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The Frumpalump Story

You know how when you were in the 3rd grade the 4th graders were the neatest people in the world? Well, one day after the third graders were lined up to go in from recess and the 4th graders were just coming out, a 4th grader named Billy called to a 3rd grader named Tommy.
"Hey Tommy," Billy said, "I'm gonna tell you the neatest word in the whole world, but, you can NEVER tell anyone what it is."
Tommy was obviously so excited, he didn't notice his class had already gone into the school. He rushed in after Billy had told him the word, and class was already started.
"Tommy," the teacher said, "would you mind telling us why you're late?" "A 4th grader stopped me after recess and told me the neatest word in the world!" Tommy beamed.
"Well, what is it?" asked the teacher.
"I can't tell, he made me promise not to tell anyone."
"You can tell me, I'm your teacher, and I get paid to know what you're thinking."
"Ok, it's Frumpalump."
"FRUMPALUMP?" The teacher screamed. She picked Tommy up, put his fingers into the pencil sharpener, sharpened them, and then threw him into the hall.
"Go and see the principal about that!" she yelled after him.
Tommy dragged himself to the principal's office and went in. "Hello, Tommy. What seems to be the problem?" the principal asked.
"A 4th grader told me the neatest word in the world, and I told my teacher and she beat me up and sent me here."
"And what was this word?"
"I can't tell you, I promised not to tell!"
"Tommy, I'm in charge of this whole school, including the teacher who beat you up, and the 4th grader who told you this word. Tell me and I'll see what can be done about what happened."
"Ok, it's Frumpalump."
"FRUMPALUMP?" the principal screamed. He picked up his biggest paddle, threw Tommy against the wall, and began hitting him. "You're expelled! Get out of my school!"
Tommy walked home to find his mother ironing clothes. "My God, Tommy, what happened? Were you in a fight? Why are you home so early," she said as she ran out to help Tommy in the house.
"A 4th grader told me the neatest word in the world, and I told my teacher, and she beat me up and sent me to the principal, I told him, and he beat me up and sent me here." Tommy whimpered.
"Well, what was this word?" Mom said.
"I can't tell you, I promised not to tell!"
"Tommy, I brought you up to know that we don't keep secrets in this family. No matter what."
"Ok, the word's Frumpalump."
"FRUMPALUMP?" she screamed. She picked Tommy up, threw him on the ironing board, pressed the iron onto him and then threw him into his room. "Just wait till your father gets home!"
Dad came home and went to Tommy's room. "Tommy, you want to tell me what happened today?"
"A 4th grader told me the neatest word in the world, and it made me late for class, I told my teacher and she beat me up and sent me to the principal, I told him, and he beat me up and sent me home, and I told mom, and she beat me up and sent me here."
"Well, Tommy, what's the word?"
"I can't tell you!"
"I'm your father, and you better tell me or else!"
"Ok, it's Frumpalump."
"FRUMPALUMP?!" Dad screamed. He picked Tommy up, took off his belt, wrapped it around Tommy's throat and hung him out the window. He dropped him 2 stories to the ground. "Don't ever come back to my house again!"
Tommy dragged himself to the only place he knew he could go, his grandparents' house. He went in, and found grandma knitting and grandpa practicing putting.
"Tommy!!" they both yelled when he came in. "What happened to you?" "A 4th grader told me the neatest word in the world, and made me late for class, I told my teacher, and she beat me up and sent me to the principal, I told him, and he beat me up and sent me home, I told mom and dad and they beat me up and I came here."
"Well, Tommy, what's the word?"
"I can't tell you! I promised not to tell! Besides, you'd beat me up!"
"Tommy," Grandpa said, "we've been around for a very long time, I'm sure there are no words that you know that we haven't heard. Plus, we're you're grandparents, and we'll always love you, no matter what. You should know that."
"Ok, it's Frumpalump."
"FRUMPALUMP?!" They both screamed. Grandma ran over to Tommy and stuck one of her knitting needles in his leg, then grandpa hit him with his putter until Tommy was out the door and laying in the street. "From this moment on, we have no grandson."
At that moment, a police officer happened to drive by. He jumped out of his car immediately and ran to Tommy. "Son, what's happened?"
"A 4th grader told me the neatest word in the world and made me late for class, and I told my teacher, and she beat me up and sent me to the principal, I told him, and he beat me up and sent me home, I told my mom and dad and they beat me up and threw me out, so I came to my grandparents' and told them, and they beat me up and threw me out here."
"Son, you have to tell me what this word is so I can help you."
"I'm not gonna tell you! You'd just beat me up!"
"It's my job to protect people, son, I have to know what caused these people to do this so I can protect you from anyone else who tries to beat you up."
"Ok, it's Frumpalump."
"FRUMPALUMP?!" the cop screamed. He took out his nightstick and began hitting Tommy in the head, he then handcuffed him to the bumper, and drove around with him. He stopped, uncuffed Tommy, and kicked him onto the front yard of someone's house.
Little Sarah was in Tommy's class at school, and she happened to live across the street from where Tommy had been left. "Tommy! what happened to you?"
"A 4th grader told me the neatest word in the world and made me late for class, and I told our teacher, and she beat me up and sent me to the principal, and I told him, and he beat me up and sent me home then I told my mom and dad, and they beat me up, and threw me out, so I went to my grandparents' and told them, and they beat me up and kicked me out of the house, then I told that cop, and he beat me up and dragged me here."
"Well, what's the word?"
"I'm not gonna tell you!! You'd just beat me up, I'm gonna go now"
"Wait, Tommy, I know what it is, it's 'Frumpalump' isn't it?"
Tommy stopped and looked at the girl. "Yes! What does it mean?!" "I can tell you, but not now. Wait till dark and come over here and meet me." Sarah ran into the house.
The sun started setting and Tommy started to drag himself across the street. Suddenly, a truck came barreling down the road, and ran him over and killed him.
The moral of the story is, look both ways before you cross the street.

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